Quote of the Day (Or Maybe the Year)

This afternoon Titus said to me: "Mommy, I'm so excited our baby is going to be here next week! It sortof feels like Jesus is in your belly! (Pause) Except, nobody is exactly like Jesus, but it still feels like Baby Jesus is in your belly. I'm just so excited!"

Hallelujah!

So, you guys must have really been praying for me after my last two pitiful posts, because...

1) I had two precious friends bring my family dinner this week--and the food was awesome! Thank you April and Rebekah!

2) I was able to stand on my feet at 10:30 at night for an hour and clean my kitchen on Monday night!

3) My mom drove up last night to help me while Scott is on a business trip to Dallas this week. She has already cleaned half of my house, done four loads of laundry, and played with my kids.

4) I went to the doctor this morning and had lost 4 pounds since my appointment last week!!!! Hallelujah! I must have been retaining some serious water last week. So, I've only gained 49 pounds, instead of 53! I never thought I would be so excited about gaining 49 pounds! :)

Doctor update: She detected protein in my urine for the first time this week and I'm having quite a bit of swelling (both symptoms of Pre-eclampsia). Because I had Eclampsia with seizures during Titus' birth and it is a miracle that he and I survived it, she did further testing before I left and will be watching it very closely. My blood pressure is fine, so it may be nothing. She did say, however, that there is a possibility that we will talk about inducing early because of that and the fact that I have such large babies. We'll just watch it closely over the next few weeks and go from there.

Oh! She also said that our baby girl has moved herself all the way around and is now engaged in a good position for birth!

Hooray!

People Say The Funniest Things!

So, I bumped into a neighbor yesterday whose children are grown. She said to me, "ASHLEY! When is that baby due?!?! I saw you trying to walk Justus in the stroller yesterday (refer to the post below) and you looked HORRIBLE! I felt so sorry for you!"

I just started laughing so hard! "Well, I felt horrible, but I thought I was hiding it better than that!" :)

"Are you due any day?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm actually not due for another month. September 16," I smiled.

"You are kidding! Are you having twins?"

Hmmm. Seems like I've heard that before. :)

Let's Be Real

Let's be real. I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant and I'm miserable. It almost feels like a sin to write that, but it is true. I'm typically able to see the positive angle and put a smile on, no matter how difficult things are. Not these days. I really just want to crawl in bed and avoid people...and standing up. (Any of you who know me remotely well know how odd this is.)

This pregnancy has been so different from my other three. I typically enjoy being pregnant (until the last 2-3 weeks). This one has been very difficult. My iron levels have been low, leaving me with unusual fatigue. I've already gained 50 pounds and I still have four weeks to go. I have no idea why. I've never gained more than 42 pounds and that was when Titus arrived 13 days past his due date. My profile seriously looks like I have a watermelon attached to the front of me. Not a basketball--a watermelon. Everywhere I go, people stare and ask if I was due last week or if I'm carrying twins. I feel pretty good when I first wake up, but my body is done after about 2-3 hours. Then everything begins to hurt and swell. Seriously. By about 10 a.m., I'm wondering if it is almost bedtime. I feel like I am living in a stranger's body.

There are toys, clothes, and shoes strewn all over my house. Six loads of laundry are waiting for me in the bathroom. There are dirty dishes in the sink from dinner. Yesterday's dinner. I haven't made a "real" dinner in well over a month and I'm starved for one. (I'm so thankful for a husband who will say, "It's okay. Let's just go out to eat." or "I'll just grill some hamburgers." or "We can just eat turkey sandwiches.) And the thought of it makes me cry.

I tried to take my kids to the park this morning, but ended up on the bench watching them play. It hurt too much to stand for long. So, I asked Titus if he would help and push his little brother. I'm so thankful for a son who would happily stop his game and run over to push his baby brother in the swing. I'm a blessed momma. And that makes me cry, too.

Then we came home and I let my kids watch too much TV while I napped and rested my back and legs. (I am typically NOT a napper!)

My baby, who is really not a baby anymore, woke up from his nap grumpy and crying about everything and nothing (like his pregnant momma). I tried to take him for a walk (more of a waddle) around the block (the BLOCK, not the neighborhood) to distract him from his grumpiness and had to stop four times to catch my breath! Part of this was due to the Braxton Hicks contractions I kept having, I'm sure.

At bedtime, Titus asked me to read two more chapters in our book and I just couldn't do it tonight. I asked him if he would mind reading to himself in his bed. He was very disappointed, but he did it, and writing that makes me cry all over again.

When I prayed with Audra, she smothered The Belly and me with affection and giggles. I tucked in my sweet babies, who love me so unconditionally, and then collapsed into my chair and cried big, indulgent pregnant tears. Tears that cried out, "I feel so miserable. How can I do this every day for another month? I can't even function." Tears that cried out for my neglected home and children. Tears that expose my feelings of being unable to be a good mother right now.

And then I remembered something.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

And I remembered something else:

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

And one more thing:

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1


And the powerful Truth of that brings me peace...and purpose.

Failure

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan

Providence 1st Grade Swim Party

In place of our typical "Wacky Wednesday" events for Providence, this week we had class "get- togethers". Stacy Shankle (Sawyer's Mom) invited the new 1st grade class over to the home of her parents-in-law to swim. It was SO-O fun. They were such generous hosts and we decided that they have the best backyard on the planet for kids (and adults, for that matter)! I felt so blessed getting to spend the day there with my kids and so many of our friends!

The kids loved the water slide...
Reagan Williams
Ruth Duncan
Avery Neufeld

Some of the moms visiting and watching the kids.

Sawyer showing off his alley-oop skills!

Riley and Abigail Fox. I was so impressed by how sweet and attentive he was to his baby sister all day. What an awesome big brother.

Sawyer spinning on the playset...with Walker and Titus having a light saber fight on the trampoline in the background.

Audra jumping off the diving board on to Ruth's raft. I'm not sure how safe that was, but it sure looked like fun! A HUGE THANK-YOU to Stacy Shankle for inviting all of us over for such a fun day!

My Little Helper

It has been unusually hot with no rain in Northwest Arkansas for the past few weeks. I had to break down and water our trees and grass this morning before they all died. Here is a picture of Justus helping me water the trees...um, sortof...early this morning.

"Whoa!" Watering his diaper!

"Yeah! This is fun, Mommy!" The diaper is now thoroughly watered. I'm not so sure about the tree.

Backyard In Bloom

I love it when our backyard explodes with color at the end of May! The kids spend tons of time in the backyard in May (especially on the trampoline) when it is the perfect temperature outside. The lillies agree. I daydream that one of these days I'll have a robust flower and vegetable garden--one of these days when I'm not pregnant with three little ones and the thought of weeding and watering it makes me want to go take a nap. Until then, I'll love on these low-maintenance lillies.

We also have a "pet" bunny rabbit this summer! We think it must live in these bushes. Audra, especially, adores it and takes food out to it regularly. The favorite seems to be slices of apples and carrots.

Pictures from 10th Anniversary Trip

I have four posts below from our trip to Turks & Caicos, but they are ordered so you can read them from top to bottom (rather than the typical bottom to top chronology).

I'd love for you to leave a comment on one of the posts below while you are here. Several of you have mentioned that you don't know how to leave a comment. All you do is click on the "0 Comment" (or 1,2, 0r 3 Comments if someone has left a comment) at the bottom right of each post. A window will pop up that will allow you to read others' comments and leave your own!

Turks and Caicos Islands

This morning I was snorkeling in the Caribbean. I ate freshly caught conch fritters for lunch. Now it is bedtime and I'm sitting at my computer in Arkansas, but I still have ocean salt in the creases of my eyelids and white sand stuck to the back of my heels.

Scott and I have never gone on a trip without our kids since Titus was born 6 1/2 years ago--not even for the weekend or overnight. On September 4th we will celebrate our 10th anniversary and with Baby #4 due to arrive September 16, I decided that we better take a trip now or it could be a really long time before we have the opportunity to do it again. Scott's parents offered to come watch our kids. (Scott's parents are actually his mom and step-dad, but they raised him and have been married for almost 30 years now.) I made the reservations that same week--before they had a chance to change their minds! :) I am so incredibly grateful to them for their sacrifice and for the value that they place on their children having healthy, thriving marriages...and for the fierce desire that his mom has to protect her grandchildren from divorce.

I chose the Turks and Caicos Islands because it is the type of place we dreamed of going on our honeymoon, but couldn't afford. Scott's only request was a beautiful beach with white sand and turquoise water. He also didn't want to go to Mexico because Mexico and Canada are the only countries he's visited outside of the U.S. and he wanted to see a new place. My "daydream" was to experience a tropical culture that wasn't too commercial or over-developed and a place that would have a combination of relaxation and adventure (as much as possible when I am 5 1/2 months pregnant). I researched a lot of places: Costa Rica, Belize, Kauai in Hawaii, St. Lucia, and St. John. I finally settled on Turks and Caicos mainly because it had the most beautiful "postcard" beach for Scott and because is still relatively unknown (therefore, not over-developed). We learned while we were there that the island didn't even have electricity until the 1980s! It was also much easier to travel there (less travel time) than many of the other places, like Hawaii. Several of you have asked me where it is, so I thought I'd post a map. It will enlarge if you double-click on it. You can see the Turks and Caicos Islands southeast of the Bahamas and north of Haiti.

Thursday, May 21--We woke up at 4:00am to catch our 5:45 flight out of XNA. I, of course, was packing until about 12:30 the night before. Then Scott and I laid in bed and talked for nearly an hour because both of us were too excited to sleep!

On our way!!! We had two easy flights from XNA to Charlotte, then from Charlotte to Providenciales, Turks & Caicos. I was so excited to have some time to read that I devoured a book I had bought for the trip and finished it right before we arrived! It is one of the top two books that I have read this year. The title is "The Furious Longing Of God" by Brennan Manning. The way this man has lived out his Christian faith rocks my socks off! I'll have to devote an entire post to it soon. I actually brought two copies of the book (one for each of us) and I ended up giving my copy to the girl sitting next to us on our second flight. I hope she actually reads it and that God uses it to radically change her view of God and our time here on Earth.

Here is a link to the video trailer for the book: http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=483ec483645ec809cee0

On a side note, she was originally seated in between us. When we walked up to our seats and saw her there, Scott asked if she would mind switching seats. Then Scott laughed and offered, "Or we could just hold hands across your lap." I love Scott's sense of humor and it definitely came out on our trip while he was relaxed and away from the stress of work.

Our new passports and the magazine that they gave us on the flight about Turks & Caicos (along with all of the customs and immigration forms). My old passport was expired. I hadn't used it since 1994. For someone who spent her teenage years daydreaming of being a world traveller and teaching English abroad, I haven't been out of the country in 15 years!!!

This is the sign at the front of our immigration line. I thought it was fascinating that they call the natives "Belongers" and you see it on the sign. I saw a sign a few steps later that said that we weren't aloud to use cell phones or take pictures in the immigration area. Oops!

We got a rental car (which, incidentally, looked like a soda-pop can on four-inch wheels) and had to figure out really fast how to drive on the left side of the road. Aaaah!

Here I am taking pictures of everything. We arrived right as school was getting out and in the background you can see children in uniforms walking home from school. We later learned that all of the schools, both public and private, have uniforms based on the schools colors.

The sign reads "Car Wash: The Best In Provo." We drove by this everyday and I never saw a car or a person there, so this claim may surprisingly be up for debate. :)

When we arrived at our hotel, we were exhausted and laid down for a "short nap" and didn't wake up until dinnertime. I was really thankful that I had studied the guide books because their restaurant recommendations were spot on. We had dinner the first night at Coyaba:

The food and service at this little restaurant were amazing! They served everyone gazpacho followed by raspberry sorbet before the entree. Scott had blackened Mahi-Mahi and I had Tandori Mahi-Mahi in a coconut curry sauce with mango salsa. Both were awesome. We had some divine something-or-other for dessert with a praline ice cream and carmel sauce on top. Even if I hadn't been pregnant, I would have looked it by the end of that meal. Yummmmm.

Afterwards, Scott bought a Cuban cigar in our restaurant and we walked down to the beach in the dark. It was probably my favorite memory from our trip. We walked down the beach in the dark, found some chairs, and sat and talked for 3 hours. I took in the sound of the ocean waves, the deliciously rare smell of my husband's cigar, and raw discussion about life. We mostly discussed the Brennan Manning book. I'd had Scott read the poignant parts that I had cried through. We reveled in the complicated concept of authenticity and in Brennan's discussion of "the reckless, raging fury that they call the love of God." We discussed the drone of stale religion, which would be the opposite. We dreamed of the reckless, the radical and how it would change everything: our marriage, our life, and our children's experience of God.

Okay, I was trying to save it for another post, but I can't resist putting a quote in here from the introduction to the book:

I’m Brennan. I’m an alcoholic.
How I got there, why I left there, why I went back, is the story of my life.
But it is not they whole story.

I’m Brennan. I’m a Catholic.
How I got there, why I left there, why I went back, is also the story of my life.
But it is not the whole story.

I’m Brennan. I was a priest, but am no longer a priest. I was a married man but am no longer a married man.
How I got to those places, why I left those places, is the story of my life too
But it is not the whole story.

I’m Brennan. I’m a sinner, saved by grace.
That is the larger and more important story.
Only God, in his fury, knows the whole of it.

So, I drank in this rare moment and smiled. I smiled because I knew it would be my favorite memory from the trip and because I had a feeling that my mother-in-law had been praying for this exact moment since the day she offered to keep our children.

Somehow even in the perfection of the moment, I was surprised at how much my chest ached for the presence of my children. I honestly wished they were asleep (so they weren't all needing my at once), but the mother in me longed to have them near. I suppose that was my paradox and I knew it was right.

If you actually made it to the end of this post, I'm sure you are as worn out as I am. :) Come back tomorrow for my first view of this stunning beach!